General disposition or inclination to intelligence.?

I am a 24 year old male. I cannot seem to do anything without becoming infatuated with the Idea of doing it selflessly, such as personality test and IQ test. I do them once and get something unsatisfying and the next time I do it I begin to manipulate it even more, the first time I do it I feel that I had approached it with the intent to control outcome in a satisfying way...Almost as if I would project false theoretical interpretations of myself rather than relax and honestly react. So the next time I would say...OK, OK scratch the first thing (secretly knowing...dont answer the next time around like that.) I know what I am doing by even trying to answer these questions and I know it is not genuine but I am the type of person that believes you can extrapolate the gist of an Idea out of distant relations. I have read a lot about intelligence and personality and characteristics of many bright people but I cannot seem to tell if I have found common ground to these characteristics that is uninfluenced to accommodating to my wants. I dont feel that adherance to anything humans conjure up is admirable even to the point of mathmatics...I see the utility in these Ideas but dont see the "progressive fun" its like digging a possible deeper hole. I dont know if I should learn to value tradition that is progressive to a society to be "purely" intelligent. I really do not ever feel intelligent, I have deep convictions for my troubles in learning and where I fall short of task. I often ask if I am rendered speechless because of the amount that even a simple question is asking me, based on how I reiterate the askers intent regardless of what they meant it becomes a more personal journey. What I really cannot figure out is a question that cannot be answered but I constantly ask. I really just want something that actually holds some type of authority (outside of ours) to (sadly enough,) pat me on the back if I have honest intentions. I do not think this is a God thread I already exhaust the topic with my parents, lets keep that comment to ourselves please for the sake of objectivity, If anyone knows what I mean and possibly has any personal advice I could really use some direction. If you have any comments I would like to hear them, even if they make me feel 1" tall, I realize I might even project a false Image of myself, being more so the sum of parts rather than a whole but I still just want honest understanding of where intelligence and personality fit in with me.